Malchik Gay
by Teh Grammer queen
Summary: It's only when Kouichi gets a girlfriend, that Kouji realises how much he wants his brother's love for himself. [KouKou Oneshot. songfic. Malchik Gay by t.A.T.u]


Teh Queen: Never written a songfic before, so we'll see how this goes. Also never thought I would find myself writing KouKou, but they are damn cute! Never thought I'd be a fan of the whole twincest thing. Also, as the phrase 'Malchik Gay' is repeat 8 times in the chorus, I've cut that a little, and I know it says 'Boyfriend' in the song, and I have kept it that way naturally, but pretend it says 'Girlfriend' XD 

Teh Slave: you're getting to absorbed in yourself, so I'll be the kind person to tell them that italics lyrics. So lets start this thing and get it over with. If you don't like boy love, I suggest you leave now.

Malchik Gay – (song by tATu)

I never would have thought it, and was still surprised realising it when Kouichi brought _her _over to meet me. It was a strange feeling, like a desperation, a need to steal Kouichi back, that I wanted to be with him. And so I would stare, the weekends we spent together, and even when _she _was around, I couldn't help but want his attention, gazing lovingly at his profile.

_Handsome. Tender. Soft.  
Why do you look right through me, thinking,  
"No."_

"Kouji?"  
I snapped back to attention. He was staring at me quizzically, his eyebrows furrowed, I was lost in his features. How I used to live without him, I didn't know, how I used to not realise these emotions, is a mystery, but now I think about it, they've been there since we first met in the real world, and now three years later, I was accepting it.

_I can't deny my feelings,  
Growing strong.  
I try to keep believing,  
Dreaming on._

"Hm? Did you say something?"  
"Oh, no, you were just looking very blank. I should probably head out, I'm meeting Mai at that cafe around the corner." Kouichi seemed to be happy as he said so. My insides were being crushed.  
"Sure thing, was nice seeing you." I walked him to the door, seeing near every movement he made in slow motion.

_Every time I see you,  
I crave more.  
I wanna pull you closer  
closer  
closer  
closer,_

He turned towards me at the doorway, flashing a sweet smile, and pulling me into a brotherly embrace.  
"It's been good seeing you too. Next weekend kay?"  
I barely nodded.

_But you leave me feeling frozen._

I wanted to yell after him,

_I can be, all you need.  
Won't you please, stay with me._

But I couldn't say a word as I watched him jog down the street and out of sight. I feel like such a fool. He was my _brother._ How could this all be? But I couldn't stop the 'what ifs' from flooding my mind.

_Apologies, might-have-been's.  
Can't erase what I feel.  
Malchik gay.  
Malchik gay._

Next weekend came. And he brought _her _over. He called her 'Mai', but I called her torture, as I added dribbles to the conversation, I felt the desperation, the need, in the back of my mind, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

_Choking,  
Back emotion.  
I try to keep on hoping,  
for a way;_

Public displays of affection. The worst torture of all, as _she _had her arm around Kouichi's waist. Not much, I know, it could be worse, but it was bad enough for me, I wanted to get between them. I never really opened up until we went to the Digital world, and there, it was Kouichi I opened up to most. He was my brother, my first real friend, and family, and I didn't want to lose him, not to _her._

_A reason for us both to,  
come in close.  
I long for you to hold me,  
like your boyfriend does._

I was staying at Kouichis house, some of the best moments I could remember I had here, I wanted there to be more, of us, together. I sighed as I watched him say his goodbyes to _her._

_And though my dream is,  
slowly fading.  
I wanna be the object  
object  
object  
object._

He pecked her on the lips, watching her as she trotted away.

_Of your passion but it's hopeless._

And I think the sickness I felt then, was heartbreak.  
Kouichi came back to the living room, face slightly fallen. My need to hold him was hovering over my mind.  
"I... I can't do this anymore." He stuttered, looking at the floor in confusion. What did he mean? I wanted to be there for him.

_I can be, all you need.  
Won't you please, stay with me._

"I can't keep lying to the world Kouji. Every time I see you it gets harder."  
He was coming closer, my heart pounded, as I stood to be at better attention, Kouichi looked deep into my eyes, looking lost, I looked back into his, hoping my expression of longing was readable.  
"Kouichi, what are you saying?"

"I'm sorry, I really am, but I can't keep going, and you have to know all this has been a lie,"

_Apologies, might-have-been's,_

"I though Mai could help me forget about my feelings for you, but she can't, she really can't. I love you so much Kouji."

_Can't erase what I feel._

It was then he fell into my arms, his hair soft, his body shaking slightly with the frustration and fear being released as I held him to me tightly, kissing his forehead lightly.  
"I love you too."  
The greatest moment of my life.

_Malchik gay.  
Malchik gay._


End file.
